Whatever my role may be in this season, Lord help me fulfill it well and grant me the grace to see me through.
Seasons of life. They come and they go. Some are hard to let go of while others we can’t wait until they end. When I look back at my life, there are seasons I wish I could have changed, seasons I wish I would have invested a little more in, and seasons that still don’t make any sense. There have been seasons where I have prayed more than I ever have, only to hear nothing from the Lord. But God was speaking to me all along. I remember specific moments where I would cry out to God, day after day, for a specific need and fill journal after journal with prayers. Things would happen that I didn’t understand and with tears I would beg God for an answer only to hear silence. In it all God had a different plan. I cried so many tears because I thought that my heart was surrendered and I was doing what I was “supposed” to be doing. I presented my request to the Lord out of a “want” rather than as a sacrifice at His feet in surrender. I wanted Him to answer it my way rather than allowing Him to do what was good and aligned with His perfect will. When I didn’t understand I spent my time trying to make sense of it all. I wanted the tangible answered. I wanted that job, that relationship, that place to live. I wanted to be married. I wanted my voice to be heard. I wanted to matter. I wanted healing when God just wasn’t ready to heal. My striving got me nowhere. My comparison robbed me of so much joy.
But that pain taught me something so great. It taught me that there is a time for everything. “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven” (Ecclesiastes 3:1). A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to follow the dreams in my heart and a time to let them go. “A time to seek, and a time to lose” (v 6). A time to believe for the impossible and a time to surrender. I look back and I still don’t understand a huge part of my story but one thing I do know is that each moment had purpose for what God was doing in my heart. Each moment pushed me a little closer to the heart of Jesus even though my flesh wanted to fight so hard. It taught me that there is a much greater story being written with my life; one that makes MUCH of HIM and less of me. It’s a story of restoration and joy because I’ve learned the heart of my Father.
So when things don’t seem to be working and you find yourself crying out to God for answers know this, “He has made everything beautiful in its time…” (Ecclesiastes 3:11). He’s promised beauty for your ashes. So just surrender. Let go. Trust the process. Lean into His heart a little closer. Listen to His voice. He is speaking to you. I know how hard this is and I doubted that God could bring beauty for all my pain but your life will be changed when your season arrives.
PC: Matt Engelking