Wow, I can’t believe it is almost Christmas. Time just flies by. Over this past week I have definitely felt a whole array of emotions. I began to journal and the more that I write, the more I realize how much of a crazy and difficult past year this has been. I have had so much change; at times too overwhelming. I’ve been so emotional and at times I have no idea where it is coming from. I began to pray and fast and truly seek the Lord over these past few weeks and He has shown me so much; so many things I want to take a minute to share.
Ready for 2012
This past year my life has been craZy…
I graduated from Nursing school (definitely the hardest thing I have ever done in my life! But praise the Lord I made it!); Passed my state board exams; interview after interview for jobs; started a new job; night shift (if you know me this should explain a lot of the emotion, haha. I am so not a night person); on my own as a nurse (scary!); went to Haiti and had the most life-altering experiences; went through a break-up; got into a wreck; totaled my car; had to get a new car which then means car payment; multiple doctor appointments; need jaw surgery; London got sick and had to take her to animal ER; loans from school; in the next few weeks i’ll be moving…again!; going back to Haiti in two weeks (Yay!); will be leading a group to Haiti in April; and so much more.
And I say all this to say, God is good! There were a lot of good things and tough things but the majority was stressful and has played a significant role in my life over the past year. There were times that I felt so low (even recently) and my heart felt so heavy and my faith was lacking and doubt creeped in. There were so many things I didn’t understand and still don’t. There were so many times that my anxieties got the best of me. But I look back and see how far I have come and how much I have grown. There is no way I could have made it through all of this without the Lord’s help and His favor. There were definitely times I wanted to give up but I had to remember that “My God is enough. My God loves me and my God is with me wherever I go!” I would remember Isaiah 30:20 “Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink He will still be with you to teach you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes.” God expects a lot from us and many times following Him can be painful; but He ALWAYS acts out of His love for us. I realized that in difficult times I must listen to what God wants to teach me. God was showing me His love by patiently walking with me through adversity.
John 10:27 “My sheep know my voice. I know them and they follow me.”
These past few weeks as I mentioned earlier have been tough. Night shift at work definitely takes it out of me and being chronically tired doesn’t help my emotions either. My roommate shared a BEAUTIFUL passage with me this past week and for all you girls that have gone through relationships, this is for you :)
“While it is true that there are things every adult can do (married or not) to be more attractive in myriads of ways, there is no guarantee that a trimmer figure, a more confident conversational style, or better job will be worthy of an eternal reward. However, if we think of each individual who crosses our paths as a beloved sister or brother in the Lord about whose care and treatment we will give an account to Jesus one day- this radically alters everything.
It means dating is no longer a zero sum game that results in a littered landscape of broken relationships and cut-off communication. It’s not whether boy gets girl. It is whether we can look Jesus in the eye and say, “Thank you for the time you gave me with this person. I did my best to encourage and pray for this individual while I knew him/her. I loved without fear of loss because I wanted to be like you. So by your grace, I did my very best to build up this man/woman and return him to you with thanks for the gift of this relationship.” Because even if we get married, that is also what we have to do for our spouses.
When I read this, I thought “How beautiful and so true!” It gives you a whole new outlook on dating and relationships and the people in your life. It helps change your mindset from heartbreak and unsettled emotions to praise and glory to Jesus for the time you had to show His love and move on to more of what He has in store! :)
I am praising God and looking forward to a brand new year…2012!!! I want to be life-changing, life-transforming, and life-altering! I want to LOVE and GIVE more than I ever have. I want to step into the purpose God has for my life. Will you step into yours??